Not Really Gone
by something2do
Summary: After 5X08, Beth leaves some last words for Daryl. Written just because I really want Daryl to be OK.


**Just a little piece cause I really want Daryl to have a happy ending. **

**I'm not the best writer, but I had this little thought and I wanted to get it down.**

** If anyone wants to improve on it I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

NOT REALLY GONE

Daryl stroked the soft golden hair that lay across his lap. He couldn't remember ever touching it before, but now as his fingers tangled through her ponytail, he found it comforting. Something tangible to hold onto, some proof that she was real. The way her head was turned to the side hid the bullet hole under her jaw, and the exit wound on the top of her head. Except for the pale color of her skin she could have just been sleeping.

But she wasn't sleeping, and they were on the way back to the Greene family farm to bury her alongside her Mamma and Brother. Some of the others had protested the two hour drive south, but Daryl had been insistent. He had stood there with his dead friend cradled in his arms, tears on his cheeks and demanded she get the burial she deserved. What they couldn't do for Hershel he would make damn sure they did for his youngest daughter, even if he had to carry her all the way himself.

Finally, Rick had agreed. He had commandeered a van from the hospital so they could lay Beth and Carol down in comfort. Daryl had crawled into the back with Beth, never letting her go. He had leaned her gently against him as Maggie placed a blanket over her body, arranging her limbs and tucking her in like a child. She said she didn't want her to get cold. Then she had squeezed in beside Daryl, shoulder to shoulder, so she could hold her sister's hand. Carol lay on a small stretcher on the other side of the van, her arms wrapped tightly across her body. Every bump or sharp corner would jostle her injuries, the pain clearly showing on her face. Maggie had looked through the bag they were given at the hospital and found some painkillers for her.

She'd also found a few of Beth's things in there, personal items like her toothbrush and hairbrush. She'd handled each one like it was precious and placed them back carefully. In the bottom of the bag she found a black leather book. It was an old accounting ledger, with the Grace Memorial logo on the front. The first few pages were filled with numbers, but as she flipped through Maggie recognized her sister's neat handwriting.

"Beth kept a journal in the hospital." She began to look through it, scanning some pages quickly, reading others through completely. Some entries made her smile though her tears while others would bring on another round of quiet sobbing.

Daryl sat quietly beside her, his eyes restlessly studying Beth's face. He memorized the shape of her features, the smoothness of her skin, and the color of her hair. For weeks he'd thought about nothing but finding her, now here she was in his arms and yet they'd never been further apart. He wished he'd made better use of the few precious seconds they'd had in that sterile hallway, to hug her or even just say he missed her. He wished he could see her eyes one more time.

He looked across at Maggie absorbed in the old book, tears rolling forgotten down her cheeks. "Should ya be lookin' in that? Ain't it private?"

Maggie shrugged "Sisters always read each other's diaries don't they?" She sniffled and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I guess, I just want to know what her last few weeks were like."

"Hmm." Daryl understood. He couldn't count the number of times since their separation that he'd thought of her, wondered what she was doing or if she was ok. Night after night he'd woken in a cold sweat after yet dream where she was hurt or afraid, or worse - calling out for him.

"She talks about waking up in a hospital bed, not knowing where she was or what happened. She had that cut on her cheek then, but she doesn't know how she got it. They told her they found her alone, unconscious on a road surrounded by walkers and they saved her."

"That's bullshit. Weren't no walkers on the road when I got there, and that car took off when they seen me."

Maggie shook her head. "She didn't believe them. She says the patients were expected to work off their debt before they could leave, but no one ever got to leave."

"They hurt her in that place?"

"Not too much. Dawn slapped her around a bit. She gave her that cut on her forehead after she helped Noah escape."

Daryl gently ran his thumb across the wound. He was glad he'd shot Dawn. He hoped the neat stitches were proof that someone had shown her some kindness in that place.

Maggie turned another page. "Oh God… She says here that some of the male officers were real creeps. Some girls were raped..."

Every muscle in his body tightened in silent rage. He fought the urge to tell Rick to turn the van around and take out each and every uniformed male in that hospital. The question needed to be asked, but he could barely force out the words "Did she…?"

"I don't think so. She doesn't talk about anything like that happening, thank God."

He wasn't sure he believed in God, but he was relived his sweet young friend had at least been spared that evil.

Maggie gave him a slight smile. "She mentions you in here a lot, like almost every page. You wanna see?"

"Nah, don't seem right." He wasn't her sister. It was too personal for him to be going through her private thoughts.

Maggie flipped a couple more pages and then began to read again.

"Oh Daryl…" She choked on a sob and wiped a tear from her cheek. "You need to read this page, she'd want you to..." Maggie held the book to Daryl. He could see her flowery handwriting covering the page, but he couldn't bring himself to take it. He shook his head.

"I'll read it to you then." Maggie cleared her throat.

_'I think about Daryl a lot, mostly because he's the easiest. I don't know if anyone else is alive, but I know he's out there somewhere, and if I can just stay strong and get out of here I know we'll meet again. There are so many things I wish I'd said to him. I hope when I find him, or he finds me, I'll be brave enough to give him a big hug and tell him.'_

Daryl leaned back and closed his eyes as he listened. While their voices were different both sisters spoke in the same southern style, with the same emphasis and inflections in their words. He could almost imagine it was Beth's sweet voice speaking to him as Maggie read the words from her journal.

_'First I'd tell him thank you - for so many things. For keeping me safe and fed. For spending days tracking the others even though he didn't want to. For teaching me to survive and making me stronger. For believing I could take care of myself. For the serious piggyback and all the other little things that meant so much to me. _

_Next I'd say I'm sorry. Sorry for being a brat and giving him the finger. Sorry for talking all the time. Sorry for insisting we go looking for alcohol (I'm not sorry we got drunk on moonshine and burnt down that cabin though). But mostly I'm sorry I let us get separated. I should have fought harder or run faster, anything to get away from them. I know we'd still be together, and we'd still be ok._

_If he's still listening and hasn't escaped to hunt or something, I'd tell him he's a good man. I know he doesn't believe this, which is a shame. He has done so much for all of us, we wouldn't have made it in this world without him. Carol told me once that 'the world needs more men like him,' and it's so true. He is the most selfless person I've ever met._

_And this is the hardest, but the most important. I'd say 'I love you'. When it was just the two of us out there it was like we were our own little family. That's how I think of him now, as family, just as much as Maggie and Daddy and Mamma and Shawn. I hope and pray that if we never find each other again, then he is at least with Carol or Rick, cause I know they love him too and he needs that. He hides a very big heart. _

_Maybe it's silly, maybe be doesn't want to hear all that, but I want him to know.'_

Daryl opened his eyes and looked down at the young girl in his arms.

For so long he hadn't really noticed her. She had simply been there, a part of the group but on the sidelines, their roles never really overlapping. And then suddenly the prison had fallen and they had been thrust together, the only two people left in their little world. He had really seen her then. Not as Hershel's little girl, or Maggie's sister, or Judith's carer, but just Beth. Beth, with her hidden strength and courage, her undying faith and hope. She had opened his eyes and his heart a little, made him believe that there was still good in the world, and that maybe he was a part of that good. He was starting to change, to trust, and then she was just gone. He'd searched and he'd hoped and somehow they'd gotten lucky.

But now she was really gone. His hope was gone too and he was furious with grief. Her death was wrong. Unjust. He would never forget how it had felt to have her back only to see her ripped away so quickly and violently. He didn't know where he'd go from here, or what his future held, but he knew his world would be a whole lot darker without her in it. Yet somehow even now, as her body slowly grew colder in his arms, she had found a way to light up his heart with her strength and love.

He stroked her cheek.

He was furious, but he would not let his grief consume him. He would not go back to what he was before. He would do his best to stay the man he was now, the man she had helped him become. And he'd do it for her, because she believed in him. Because if some of her hope and light lived on in him, then maybe she wasn't really gone.

Daryl leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. He hesitated, his lips beside her ear, as he whispered for the first time in his life "love ya too girl."


End file.
